If you feel like your relationship is on repeat, it may be time to get professional help. Often times couples get into ruts. The problem with being in a rut is, if you don’t change course, you won’t be able to get out of it.
If trying to work through your problems on your own hasn’t worked in the past, there is good reason to believe that it won’t in the future. If the problem is that you have stopped hearing and listening to each other, it isn’t about talking louder. Sometimes it takes someone to translate what is being said for you to be able to understand each other’s needs.
One of the biggest signs that it is time to seek counseling is if you fight about the same thing continually, and obsessively. If you are having the same argument over and again without resolution, it is like a cancer in your marriage.
Couples can get into unproductive behavior patterns that do nothing to resolve a situation and everything to cause resentment. The more you are on opposite ends, the more you are driving a wedge between. Once the hurt starts to build, it is hard to overcome.
You are probably coming to every fight with your arsenal of previous hurt. All that ceases to do is shut off your ability to hear and share. That is where a councilor can help. Like a language translator, they can put your words into emotional terms that can be heard in a way that your spouse may not be able to now.
How to find the Best Marriage Counselor
There are many ways to find a marriage counselor, depending on your comfort level with involving other people in your life. If you know of a couple who has sought counseling, and had a positive experience, you may want to ask for a referral.
Other ways to find a marriage counselor is by reading reviews online, or asking for a referral from your local hospital network. Often times insurance companies will help to cover the cost of a counselor. If you are able to recoup some of the cost, or all of it, checking to find a marriage counselor who is in your network is important. There may be a huge difference between the cost of someone who is in your network and someone who is not.
A marriage counselor is difficult to find. Not only does counseling require that you have an easiness with your counselor, you have the additional hardship of finding someone who you can both feel comfortable with. If one of you feels secure opening up, while the other does not, you are going to end up in no better position than you are right now. Before you decide which counselor to see, it is best to interview several.
Each partner should have the opportunity to meet alone with the counselor to ensure that they feel comfortable confiding in, and relating to, them. If both parties don’t feel as if the counselor is being impartial, it will be difficult to gain trust to speak openly and freely in front of them. The counselor should be the liaison between the two parties, not someone who is taking a side. Impartiality is the cornerstone for couples counseling to work.
A marriage counselor is only going to work if both partners are willing to try. If one is going for the wrong reasons, it will not be as effective. Keeping an open mind and being willing to listen to the ways that you are contributing to the problem, is crucial. If you are going to counseling only to prove you are right, your success will be limited. If you are not on board, your marriage can easily go overboard.