“Why is he being such a major a-hole? He used to be so sweet and nice.”
It’s a common phenomenon for every ex-girlfriend to have this type of problem with their ex. And it never fails to confuse women why guys act this way after a breakup. And that’s probably why you’re reading this article—because your ex-boyfriend’s jerk behavior is a big mystery to you.
I want this to be a quick read for you. So, what I want you to do now is to answer this fairly simple question: “Were you the one who broke up with your ex-boyfriend?”
Got the answer? Good. I’ll try to explain why your ex is being a jerk based on two angles: “you left him” angle and “he left you” angle.
Angle #1: You Were the One Who Left Him
If this is the case, you can’t really expect him to jump for joy, right? You have to understand that guys are all about their (sometimes stupid) pride. If you do anything to bruise their ego, like letting him go, he’ll surely feel pain and anger.
But don’t expect him to tell you outright how he feels. No way, José! Emotions are only for the weaklings. Since he can’t express his feelings of hurt—because of his damn pride—he’ll resort to being a jerk. In short, this behavior of his is actually a silent message that tells you that he’s still not over you.
What “jerkiness” can you expect from him shortly after your breakup?
Granting that you still communicate with him, rejected guys normally like to pick a fight. They turn every conversation into a heated argument by twisting your words, call you hurtful names, and bring up unjust accusations.
Have you experienced the same situation with your ex? Sad, but he clearly chose the “victim” path. He can’t muster enough maturity to handle the break up like a mature adult. Instead, he chooses to cause fights to regain control of the situation.
You see, when you walked away from the relationship, it meant that he lost control of it. He feels like a total failure, a feeling that most men can’t stand.
“That’s not all. I really hate it when he doesn’t respond to my texts and calls!”
I know, right? It’s really irritating when someone ignores you. It can drive you nuts. But let’s be clear here. I wouldn’t necessarily consider him a jerk in this instance.
Come on, if someone hurts you by letting you go, would you still want to talk to that person? That’s probably the last thing you’ll ever want to do. The same thing is true with your ex-boyfriend.
There’s an exception to this scenario though. If after the break up you two agreed to keep the communication line open, and then he didn’t reply to your texts or return your calls, it’s a clear sign that he’s being a jerk AND a phony.
Angle #2: He Was the One Who Left You
Now, let’s reverse the situation. So, he left you. That should make him super happy, right? After all, he gained his freedom back.
Well, not always. At first, for him, it might have been a great idea to let you go for some reason. He will probably party like mad with his best buds and hit on many girls.
Most likely, he would go on real dates with these girls. Of course, to see if she’s a potential girlfriend, he would do some “quality checking” by comparing her to his former love interest (that’s you).
If the world’s on his side, she will beat the standards you set. If not, it’s back to the old drawing board for him, so he goes on another date until he finds the one that will satisfy his requirements.
Is he being a jerk in this instance? Nope. Technically, you can’t label him that because you two are not together anymore.
Let’s say, however, that you two still see each other occasionally. Then in one of your meetings, you feel that he’s intentionally flirting or eyeing other girls just to spite you. I would be the one to tell you that he’s being a jerk.
Anyway, let’s go back to his dating spree. His doing that because he’s (1) depressed and (2) really hurt. In order not to be lonely anymore, he will try to fill up that void, which he thinks might happen if he finds your replacement even for the wrong reasons.
Don’t worry. If he keeps getting disappointed—because the girls he dates are not girlfriend material—your ex-boyfriend will eventually come to his senses and will want to come back to you. Just give him space.
The True Mark of a Real Jerk Ex-Boyfriend
Lying, calling you names, picking fights, dating around… those don’t compare to how a real jerk ex-boyfriend behaves. As horrifying as it might sound, there are really guys who take pleasure in seeing their exes suffer. They don’t feel any remorse and will not even apologize for their mistakes.
Hopefully, this is not the case with your ex-boyfriend. Actually, if your ex is like this, he has already surpassed the stage of being a jerk or a-hole. He has already reached the “douche bag” stage. If that’s the case, I would strongly suggest that you move on. He’s not worth your time, effort and tears.
Well, that’s it for today. I hope it’s now clear to you why your ex is acting like a real jerk. Got other theories to share?