Are you worried that marriage is falling apart and want to know how to save your marriage? Are you and your partner drifting farther and farther apart? Is anger or criticism dominating your couple’s communication? Is one or both of you starting to shut down emotionally or build a impenetrable wall between you because of constant frustration?
Do you yearn to reestablish that deep and soothing emotional connection again? Is there an absence of closeness and sexual intimacy? Do you feel you may be on the verge of separation and divorce? Are you feeling Hurt, hopeless and helpless?
How Do I Save My Marriage
What you need to know right now is that there are proven tips and strategies for not only saving but for completely positively transforming your marriage. Here is a list of the 9 powerful relationship saving tips from the world’s leading relationship experts that you can start applying right now to save your marriage:
1.Commit to Giving the Relationship Repair Process 1-3 Months:
In order for this emotional repair process to work it’s critical that you both suspend all negative assumption that your marriage is destined to fail for at least 30 to 90 days.
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This will give you time to learn and practice some basic couples communication skills and make other positive changes in the day to day functioning of your relationship.
In many cases this means choosing to ignore any thought of relationship failure. You need to fake it till you make it.
2. Get on The Same Page Relationship Wise:
In order to save your relationship it’s absolutely essential that you both commit 110% to doing whatever it takes to make positive changes together.
One person cannot save a 2 person relationship. Healthy couple hood is a 2 person dance, like the tango or cha-cha.
There are lifts and spins that are simply impossible without both of you taking on your respective roles and supporting and balancing each other in order to pull it off and keep the dance going. But with a bit of practice your healthy relationship dance will become second nature. The benefits will be utterly incredible for your both.
3. Develop Realistic Relationship Expectations:
One of the biggest reasons couples run into problems is because they have unrealistic relationship expectations.
For example, they expect their partner to be able to just know what they want without clearly and effectively expressing their needs.
Others have the expectation that when 2 people fall in love everything just magically works out. The believe falling in love means riding off into the sunset of permanent and effortless emotional and sexual intimacy.
Couples often learn these false expectations from relationships they see in movies and on television. The reality is very different. Healthy relationships take work to maintain, although when the relationship work is done properly, that work gets faster and easier with each passing year.
4. Write A Eulogy for Your Spouse:
Have them do the same for you. One of the biggest causes of marriage break down is taking each other completely for granted.
Can you imagine a life without your partner? What would your life be like without them? What would you miss about them most? What do you love most about them? How would your life change if they were to pass away?
Sit down together and take turns reading your eulogies to one and other. If you really put your whole mind and heart into what you write this exercise will serve as a major relationship wake up call. Your now ready to start communicating your most important relationship needs.
5. Make a List of The 5-10 Most Important Things You Need From Your Partner Right Now:
In order to rebuild your relationship you’re both going to have to start clearly expressing and meeting each other’s most important relationship needs.
As you have your relationship needs met by your partner, it gets easier and easier to meet their needs. You’re creating a win-win situation. Your relationship will now start to become a source of reward and enjoyment. If you do this step properly, the positive momentum it creates can literally start to snowball after a just a few weeks.
In order to make your top 10 list, you both have to sit down individually and write out very clearly and simply what you need most from each other in the relationship. Your needs list must also describe simple action steps that your partner can take in order to meet each need for you.
You can then work on meeting 1 or 2 needs at a time for each other in a balanced exchange process. You are working hard to meet 1 or 2 of your partner’s needs and your partner is working hard to meet 1 or 2 of your needs.
It can be very effective if you both start with 1 relationship need that you know you can meet with the least amount of effort. This sets the positive relationship snow ball rolling down the sticky snow-covered mountain slope of happy-couplehood.
Revisit the list every few days to give each other feedback. Work together to improve and refine the steps you’ll take to meet each other’s needs. Add a new need you’re your lists as each one is being met. Your shared goal here is continuous relationship improvement.
6. Always Use “ I Statements”:
When it comes to communicating your needs and the steps your partner must take to meet them, always try to use “I statements” Instead of “You statements”. Never ever criticize by saying “You never (fill in the criticism blank)” or “You’re always…(fill in the criticism blank).”
Criticism causes hurt which leads to anger, defensiveness and emotional shut downs. A hurt partner who then becomes angry and defensive can’t effectively communicate or meet your needs.
It’s virtually impossible to be critical when you start your statements with the word “I need” or “What I really need from you right now is….” It’s also helpful to let your partner know how it will make you feel to have each relationship need met by them.
It’s also very powerful to express the sad or hurt feelings (your tender emotions) you experience from not having your need met. Stay away from expressing angry feelings (destructive emotions).
Staying away from destructive feelings and grudges by clearly stating your needs and primary emotions will cause your partner to want to help and support you. They’ll instinctually and to want to protect you emotionally and make you feel better not worse.
This is the opposite of effect of criticism. You’re now actually helping your partner come out of their shell and reconnect with you instead of shutting down or arguing with you.
7. Keep Your Couple’s Communication Statements Short and Sweet:
It’s very important not to overwhelm your partner with too much information when you’re expressing your relationship needs and your tender emotions. This is especially true for woman who tend to be emotionally more verbal then men.
Keeping your communications statements down to a maximum of 3 short sentences as a couple also makes it easy for less expressive men to both listen and communicate more effectively. It will also make turn-taking more fair in your couple’s communication. A sense of fairness is critical to the long term success of your marriage. Don’t get sucked into the trap of one person dominating the conversation.
Here’s an example of an effective couple’s communication statement:
What I need from you right now is your love and attention. 2. With that out that connection I feel very lonely and unhappy – it really hurts. 3. Let’s plan a weekly date night and do things we both love together.” Then your partner responds.
8. Get Into Positive Scan Together:
It’s very important to give each other immediate and frequent positive feedback and praise as you both start to follow through with your action plan to meet each other’s needs during the first week. It’s also very important to ignore the inevitable mistakes and errors.
There will be mistakes as you both learn, but you must persist in your efforts to get into and stay in a state of positive – looking for the best in one and other. Catch each other in the act of making the effort to follow through on agreement. Be creative in how you praise your partner and show your gratitude and appreciation.
The happiest couples in the longest lasting marriages pay each other complements and express their gratitude for one and other several times a day. The most effective life partners are active presidents of each other’s fan clubs.
9. Envision and Talk About Your Positive Future Together:
The emotionally healthiest couples frequently take time to talk about their shared dreams for the future. Your positive future together might include detailed discussion about travel, hobbies and even your plans for an amazing retirement life together.
(If you are still asking “how to save my marriage” or would you like to know more about EXACTLY what you need to do to save your marriage? Click Here