Regaining your ex-boyfriend’s trust is a tricky one. It can’t be done through a simple email message, phone call, or text. You can’t just give him a “let’s start all over again” line.
(“But what are the things I should do to get him to trust me again? Tell me please.”)
I’ll tell you what. For starters, stop what you’re doing right now—being emotional.
Don’t make the mistake of showering him with an emotional “I’m so sorry” or “I’m still in love with you” declarations. That will only make him distrustful. When that happens, your work becomes doubly hard.
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How to Make My Boyfriend Trust Me Again?
Okay, I don’t want to prolong your agony. I know how much you’re dying to get your ex-boyfriend back, so I’m going to give you the answers right away. Just remember though, this is only a guide. Choose the best approach suited for your situation.
But before that, let me tackle first about forgiveness and men.
Why Your Man May Not Trust You (Again)
I won’t even try to ask what you did wrong to cause the breakup. All I know that it’s serious enough to break his trust—big time.
As what can be expected, men also have a hard time forgiving. But that depends on the mistake you made and the emotions it made him feel.
A one-time incident of kissing a guy, for example, could make him angry. But in most cases, he’ll naturally get over it as time goes by.
Repeatedly doing it and taking the mistake to a higher level, like going on a one-night stand, is going to take a lot of effort and love on his part to forgive you, that is, if he still wants to forgive you.
As mean as it may sound, there are actually some guys who’ll fake the gesture to control you. They’ll make you believe that you’re forgiven, and then bring up your past mistakes to make you feel guilty.
Where does this mean spirit come from? The answer is pain. You did him wrong, so it’s not surprising that it will cause him deep pain, which transforms him into Mr. Hyde (sort of).
After all, what we want is to feel safe and loved when we’re in a relationship.
After a breakup—because you broke his trust—he becomes distrustful. Expect that he will fully safeguard his emotions to spare himself from pain. No way will you ever fool him again.
So, what should you do now?
What You Can Do to Gain Back His Trust
Since you’re determined to make things work between you two, it’s your responsibility to create an environment wherein he will feel that it’s safe for him to let his guard down and give you another chance. So, how do you prove your sincerity and love for him?
Don’t Try Explaining Yourself
(”Of course I should talk to him to clarify things.”)
That might sound a good idea, but I say it’s not. Especially during the early stages, emotions are still high and fresh. It wouldn’t be surprising if both parties would engage in a blame game.
Explaining will only make things worse. Your ex-boyfriend would only misinterpret your action and words as an attempt on your part to make excuses, blame him for everything and have the last laugh. These will not make him trust you again. So, stop.
In fact, don’t text, call, email, or chat with your ex-boyfriend for the next ten to fourteen days after your break-up. This will give him time to stabilize his emotions and thinking, so he’ll be more willing to listen when you contact him again.
Don’t Mingle With Other Guys
Even if the guy (or guys) is just a friend, it would work on your part if you refrain from hanging out with other guys, at least for the meantime. Remember, you broke his trust. This makes him a lot more paranoid, thus may easily misinterpret your every move.
Transparency is Important
If you’ve lied to him, do it right this time. Even if it makes him angry, tell everything he wants or needs to know. Stop with the half-truths. I remember a story about a certain friend. The wrongdoer is not exactly a woman, but I think it will help you understand my point.
You see, her father cheated on her mom. (No surprise there.) Of course, her mom was super angry and demanded to know the truth. So, her father told the truth, at least parts of it.
He told her mom that it was only a one-night stand thing and nothing more. Later, her mom finds out that it was actually been going on for 2 years.
After explaining and asking sorry, she and her mom find out soon after that his father actually has a child with the other woman. So, instead of wanting to make things work, her mom just left the relationship.
That’s just an example, but do you see what I mean? It’s better to tell the whole truth and risk facing his reaction rather than holding back the truth and risk losing him for good.
When Should You Apologize?
Do it only after everything is okay with you two again. You’ll know if everything is okay if your ex is willing to listen to you and starts replying to your texts and calls.
And when you do apologize, please be responsible. Own up to your mistakes, and stop with the name calling and finger pointing. Give him a heartfelt apology, period.
Hopefully, when he forgives you, you won’t waste the chance and commit the same mistakes.
That’s it. Remember, your main responsibility is to make him feel safe around you by being honest, responsible, consistent, and giving him no reasons to be suspicious of your sincerity.