Everybody has the past. You have the past and even your partner does. Sometimes it’s hard to decide if you really want to know what happen in his life before you. A lot of women asked me if it is ok to ask or not, are there any good ways to do it, and should we do it at all?
We all have emotional baggage. It can be found in many shape and sizes. It depends on good or bad luck, our ways of dealing with things and our level of self-judgment. What is also interesting is that we are usually curious about our partner’s past, but we are not so keen to talk about ours. However, if you want to build a strong relationship you will have to deal with your partners past just like you have to deal with your own. Accepting that a lot of things had happen before you is very important. Yes, the past leaves us with memories, some of them are nice and less nice, but you shouldn’t live in it.
What is the past?
Past is a place with a lot of memories, nice and not so nice, full of wounds and healed wounds, old scars, songs, cities, perfumes, holidays, pictures, flowers, nice words and bad words. There are your victories and defeats, smart choices and stupidity, mistakes, pride and shame. It is also a place where you left people who left you. But there is a big question.
How to deal with it?
We are all different, and there is no need to say that we also feel and deal with things differently when it comes to relationships. That is one more reason not to listen to other people when they tell you how you should deal with these things. I will show you few ways that I learned from other people’s experience as well as from my own.
#1 What if he doesn’t want to talk about his past? Does it mean that I should be scared of what I am going to find out?
You have to keep in mind that some people just don’t want to talk about their past. This doesn’t necessarily mean that he is hiding a big dark secret. Some people just find it easier to keep things to themselves. Maybe he doesn’t have a lot of nice memories or maybe he thinks that he is less experienced for a guy his age and he feels uncomfortable talking about it.
#2 I don’t want to know
If you know from your previous experience that your partner’s past will bother you so much that it will haunt maybe it’s not so smart to investigate it. Sometimes the less you know the better. If he wants to say something he will probably do it without you even asking. Remember, there is a reason why his exes are only his exes.
#3 It’s all part of him
If you find talking about exes just a way of getting to know your partner better and your partner feels the same, feel free to talk about it. It’s true that we are changing and growing through every relationship we have. All those things are part of us. Sometimes it can be interesting to know how the road looked like, the road that made him the man he is now, the man you like so much. Experiences shape us.
If your partner doesn’t have the same opinion about sharing you have to be careful. He will maybe think that you oversharing. Make sure you let him know that for you it’s OK to talk about past boyfriends because that is just a part of life. Give him some time; he will come around asking when he feels ready.
#4 He never asks
If your partner doesn’t want to know a lot about your past it doesn’t have to mean that he isn’t crazy about you. You shouldn’t make a big deal out of this. Maybe he finds that it makes him feel a bit jealous or uncomfortable, or he just doesn’t care about the past. If this bothers you ask yourself if you ready to know too much about his past.
#5 I like to know everything
A lot of people think they can learn a lot from their partners’ relationships. If you would like to know things that happen before you so that you can understand your partner better, feel free to ask him. I don’t think that you should ask things like how they broke up or where they have been fooling around, nobody should care about this. Be careful, I don’t think that you really want to know everything. If you are not sure what questions are good or bad, just think about things that you would not like him to ask you and you will get the idea what to do.
#6 If he loves me he has to love my past
If somebody accepts us the way we are it doesn’t necessarily mean that he will easily accept our road that brought us here. If you think that some things should stay in the past where they belong and that you shouldn’t even talk about it, it’s ok to keep it for yourself as long as you moved on. You shouldn’t regret anything but you should just put an end on it and move on. However, if you decide you want to share your past with your partner remember that everything can be solved if there is love, understanding and intimacy between two adults.
Maybe our lives would be much easier if we can actually see a baggage of the other person before we get involved. Knowing some things in advance would save us a lot of time, but it would probably make us giving up on some people who could end up being the most beautiful part of our life.
If you want to read more about how to make your relationship stronger and keep your man for good, check this link.