Your relationship is over. He is gone. You are pretty much wandering around trying to understand what happened. After flying high for so long now you only feel like falling high speed. Your safe place is gone and everything that you depended on is gone.
You feel like your world is breaking into pieces. You don’t know what to do and it’s frustrating. Situation is pretty much how you didn’t wanted it to be. All of this is overwhelming and you are demanding answers, right here and right now! Is this really happening? What am I supposed to do now? From where should I begin?
There are a lot of studies that consider breaking up to be one of the most stressful situations that can happen in our life. It also means that it affects our life to the core, shaking up everything you know about your relationship, and even what you know about yourself. When your relationship ends and your world is crushing down around you, you can’t just stand there and watch it all die, I understand you.
However, this is the moment when you can’t afford to make mistakes that can cause even bigger problems than actual break up. Maybe you are not aware of it, but you are capable to do almost anything to stop it from happening. That is probably the worst idea that you can have, and that is why it’s so important to stop to take a deep breath. Maybe a lot of things can be out of your hands, but for sure you can do some good things for yourself. Sit down and breathe, there are a lot of things that can be done.
How to deal with a break up if you still love him?
There are things that you just can’t stop from happening, and that is the biggest truth. What is also true is that a lot of things also depend on you, and in the end everything comes to this – you are the one who can help yourself the most. These are few things that you can start with.
#1 Don’t panic
It is in our nature to feel uncomfortable when things around us suddenly change. However, you don’t want to start panicking.
If you panic you can do only more damage. I am not only thinking about those fast ideas that may seem like a good way to fix your problem, cause there is no such a thing. You have to be careful with those chaotic thoughts that are running through your head after a breakup. You can easily find yourself begging and pleading your ex as soon as you start to panic. You have to calm down. The last thing you want is to end up looking desperate, especially if you are.
#2 Period of silence
If your relationship ended because of some kind of big misunderstanding, or he was the one who ended it, the best thing is to wait few days before you talk to your ex again. This is not a rule, it’s just what I like to say a “team building time”. When I say team, I mean you. Wha I mean is – get your thoughts straight and calm down. Take as much time as you need, because your goal is to talk with him without overreacting. You don’t want to push him more far than he already is. As I said this is not the rule it is more of a guideline how to calm yourself down. If you are having hard time doing this it helps if you think about how he needs the same thing.
#3 Not that fast
When you lose someone you love, it can hurt so much that you are capable to do almost anything just to try to stop the pain. Of course that you can go out there and find someone new, probably not special but new. The question is are you really sure it is a smart idea, especially if you haven’t decided what you will do about your ex? Keep it simple. You don’t want to end up having one more problem to deal with. You shouldn’t jump into something new and you shouldn’t fill the void with new people, especially if they don’t mean anything to you.
#4 Be your own best friend
It’s true that in relationships we lose some parts of ourselves while we are trying to achieve intimacy with person that we are in love with. However, with breakup we don’t lose only our partner, we also lose ourselves. When you are broken into pieces because of a breakup, the worst thing that you can do is to get involved with somebody else.
You need to give yourself time and work hard on yourself. This is healthy and important thing to do whether you are deciding to move on or you are planing to get your ex back. Now it is all about you because you deserve it. Spend some quality time with yourself. Think about how all this makes you feel and do you feel comfortable about yourself. This is very important because there is big a decision that you have to make. Be careful, your anger and disappointment may lead you far away from the things that you want. Look after yourself, nobody can do that better than you.
#5 Stay focused
After a breakup people you know will probably start to take sides. You should not let them get inside your head. This is very important as you are vulnerable now, you may easily jump to conclusions.
All of these should help you get out of the chaos in your head caused by a breakup. It’s very important not to make more damage to yourself, to your ex partner, and to your chance of getting back together. This should show you how to make room for constructive thoughts and how to heal yourself for good. Working on yourself is something that should be priority, especially if you want to win your ex back.
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