It would be great if we could turn back in time and erase all the things that we wish didn’t happen, but it is just not possible. When we talk about relationships even small things can sometimes ruin everything that we built with care.
The only thing that we have left is to deal with the truth that we did something wrong and hurt somebody or that we got hurt instead. If you don’t want to accept the truth and if you leave things unfinished, the past can easily ruin every relationship in your life.
A lot of people wrote to me and asked me what to do when something that we didn’t want happen. Should we really forgive? Can we really forget?
Everybody needs time to heal, but even that will not help you if you don’t cope with what is bothering you. Psychologists say that with denying there is a big chance for your relationship to fall apart.
Making mistakes
We can say that there is no person in this world that always did everything perfect with everybody and in every situation. You can even surprise yourself before other person gets disappointed in you. Is this really me?
Did I really just do this? I don’t really like to use this words but the truth is that it happens. People say not so pleasant words to each other unintentionally or just without thinking it through, or they do things that they wish they can undo.
These situations are perfect time to learn how to calm down and say that you are sorry or to sit down and accept an apology. If you are the one who made a mistake, you should be persistent and patient. If you are the one who got hurt, you should decide if you are able to forgive and when.
I don’t say that you should know when you will forgive; the point is that you are sure that you want to do it. You have to have in mind that you will probably need little more time than you thought you would, and that is ok.
Forgive or let them go
Everyone has a line that they don’t think they can cross when it comes to forgiving. What you need to do is to decide if you want to forgive or not. If you don’t want to forgive just let the other person go. If you decide that you want to forgive, you have to be ready to forget too. Wounds that won’t heal don’t need a big push to start to bleed again.
Sometimes we only need little to find ourselves going through the same thing and same pain again. Yes you heard me good; you have to be able to forget. If you don’t do it after torturing each other for some time you will probably break up. It’s obvious that healthy relationship cannot be built on these things.
Yes, maybe your partner did a horrible thing but he didn’t deserve to be judged all the time and forever. Or even worse, everything seem normal expect you eating yourself alive while your partner thinks that everything is behind you. If you want to save your relationship you better learn how to forgive and forget.
Forgiveness is a gift that usually means slowly letting go of the bitterness and accepting the fact that we can’t change things that happen in the past. Forgiveness should give you peace, hope and after some time even happiness. If you grow, your relationship will grow with you.
Don’t get confused, I am not talking about making the situation less serious than it is and I am not saying you should deny or justify the situation that happen. I am talking about letting go of all the thoughts about revenge or torture the person that hurt us. Psychologists say that you should focus on making your life and your time more constructive to the point where you will be able to understand the person who hurt you.
If you ask me there is a thin line between understanding and defending the person when it comes to love. It can make you feel like you have overreacted in the first place and that is probably not true. Your partner doesn’t really need you to defend him, the best thing that you can do is to forgive and forget. There is nothing worse than reminding someone of his past mistakes when you see that they are truly sorry.
How to move on
Forgiveness is a long process, but process that will surly save you from anxiety or depression. After emotional storm that you found yourself into you should try to find the best solution.
If you have decided to forgive and move on together as a couple don’t skip the first step. I know I say this a lot but believe you me – there is nothing better than good long honest conversation when it comes to relationship between two people.
You should try to explain to your partner how much he hurt you and that you will need all the support and understanding that you can get to move on. Do not feel the guilt if you find yourself feeling disappointed longer than you thought that you would be. The most important is that the same thing doesn’t happen again.
If you make the same mistake and hurt your partner again that is without the doubt what will ruin your relationship for good.
The partner who made the mess is responsible to fix the relationship and to show understanding when the other person goes through sad phases.You have to be ready to support your partner and to give your best to calm them down. Sincere apology and affection can make everything better after time. Your relationship will be stronger and the past will be behind you just where it belongs.
It is true that past leaves us with a lot of memories, beautiful and less beautiful once but you shouldn’t live in those memories. The past shouldn’t be more important than what you want. If you want your relationship to work for good you have to learn how to forgive yourself and how to forgive your partner. If you think you need more guidelines, just check this link.
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